Christmas Contact Arrangements For Separated Parents

Christmas is traditionally a time for families to come together and celebrate. However, it can be a heartbreaking time for separated parents and their children.

Contact arrangements during the festive season can often cause a lot of conflict in separated families. Even when there has been a previous Court order which specifies Christmas contact arrangements for separated parents, often that order will not address precisely what is to happen on Christmas Day and the New Year period.

One of the most frequently asked questions we receive is whether children should spend one week with one parent and the next week with the other parent. Alternatively, should the arrangements be made day to day.

There is sadly no magic formula. Each day over the Christmas holiday period can have its own significance, which could be hard for any parent to miss out on. To resolve these matters, every family will have its own needs to address and there are several things you can do to make this easier.

Christmas contact arrangements for separated parents

Communicate without emotive language

Many separated parents find it difficult or uncomfortable to discuss arrangements for their children, especially at Christmas, which is undoubtedly already a busy and stressful period.

We recommend trying to focus on the issue at hand. Communicate via e-mail or a parenting app if face-to-face conversations are difficult. This will give you the opportunity to remove any emotive language and focus on the issues that need to be resolved.

Plan well beforehand

It is always difficult to keep everyone happy at Christmas.

You will need to be flexible if arrangements suddenly have to be changed, e.g. a sick child. In such circumstances, the parent with whom the child is with should ensure that video/phone calls take place. This will allow for some form of contact to take place.

Parents should work together to make amicable Christmas contact arrangements for their children where they can.

Focus on the future

If you are newly separated, it may be a daunting thought not to wake up with your children on Christmas day. Try not to think about this year but think about the Christmas contact arrangements moving forward.

If your children are young, then there are going to be plenty of Christmases for you to enjoy with them. It may be worth considering proposing that the children have the opportunity to wake up with each of their parents on alternating years. Having a plan which can alternate from one year to the next often works well.

Think about the children

It is important you focus on the impact of any contact arrangements on your children during the festive period. This is the approach the Court will adopt, and many family lawyers will encourage their clients to consider this first and foremost when making arrangements.

If you live close together then it may be practical for the day to be shared, so the children have the experience of celebrating with both parents. Remember that what suits one family will not be suitable for another and make sure your plans are tailored to suit the particular needs of your children.

Do not ask your child to decide

It is not fair to expect the children to be the decision-makers by asking who they would prefer to spend their Christmas holidays with. You may think asking them is the fairest way, but it places them under unnecessary pressure. No child should have to choose between mum and dad on Christmas Day.  This will be upsetting for you and them.

However, this is not to say, that you shouldn’t talk to your children and listen to their concerns. Try to reassure them and consider the contact arrangements from their point of view.

Stick to the timings agreed

Time is an important factor during Christmas and can be a catalyst for arguments if not respected. Ensure you turn up on time, so the children move from one parent to the other without waiting around. Try to agree well in advance on who should be responsible for drop-off and collection.

Again, try to remain flexible and amicable with your former spouse regarding Christmas contact arrangements.

Compromise

Finally, be prepared to compromise contact arrangements.

Divorce and separation regularly cause reasonable, sensible people to behave in a way that is out of character. The compromise allows you to both have ownership of the arrangements. This is far more likely to be better for your children.

What if you can’t agree on Christmas contact arrangements?

If parents cannot agree on what happens, they could attempt mediation in the hope that with the assistance of a mediator, you can agree on contact arrangements. Alternatively, you could also try having a round table meeting with your solicitors.

Should this fail there is an option to go to Court to make the necessary applications. This would usually be for a child arrangements order to spend time with the children, or perhaps to vary an existing Court order.

A good family law solicitor will encourage you to put the needs of the children first. Unless there are welfare issues or domestic abuse, the children should be spending quality time with both parents.

To avoid disappointment, we encourage that arrangements be provided for as soon as possible. If Court applications are required, these will need to be lodged as early as possible. If the application is made late, there may not be enough time for the case to be heard in Court. The best advice is to see the Court as a last resort and make every effort to reach an agreement.